I was feeling nostalgic and reading back through some of my archives on this blog when I came to the month of January 2009 and almost didn't recognize the voice behind the words. It's so strange to look back and find a memory that's been tucked away for so long that you no longer recognize it as your own. How different my life was nearly four years ago; how gloomy and curious, cold and gray! It's this particular post that made me stop and conciously recall the feelings I had the moment I was typing it out. I can barely imagine now what it feels like to feel so far away from home, so uncertain and sad.
The thing is that since then, I've come to realize and accept that I really just feel at home whenever I'm near Gui and Avienne. Truly. It sounds so cliché, but as a family that will always be straddled between two far-away cities, it's the sincere truth. And, yet, as at home as I feel in my little family of three, I still feel a slight longing, a small nostalgic pang for that other little place that eventually stole my heart. For Paris. It took me a while to warm up to her, but oh, how I miss that city's dreary days of winter, rainy days of spring and fall and even the smelly days of summer (albeit a little bit less than those former seasons)!
I'm sure my January 2009 self would never believe that in 2012, I'd be happy as a clam, living in Austin with a three month old daughter, counting down the days until I'd be back in Paris again. But, I am and I'm OK with where I am for the moment. Gui and I have been talking about when we'll move back to Paris, or even if we'll move someplace else - another city in the States or some other part of France. But, wherever and whenever we decide to make a move (don't worry, Mom, it's not going to be that soon), what I learned from my homesick self of 2009 is to cherish and really live for today's moments before they become forgotten memories.
Some pictures from 2009